“You’ll hurt me more if you send me away.” She’d heard the wavering in his resolve and it fuelled her excitement. Pressing her advantage, she ran her hands over his chest and hips and whispered, “Please, Jack. Don’t send me away,” and when he merely muttered that it appeared he couldn’t even if he wanted to, she wriggled out of her long nightgown, which kept getting caught up, and was soon naked and curled into his side, guiding his hand to her breast. “Touch me here,” she whispered, before fusing her mouth to his once more. A fierce desire in her lower belly made her squirm, and she was aware of a strange heat and moistness at the juncture of her legs that she’d never felt before. Well, not quite like this.
As his fingertips brushed her skin which had never felt more sensitive, Katherine thought she was going to die of want, though she wasn’t sure what was going to happen next.
She continued to kiss him, deeply and lingeringly, and when she drew back, whispered, “What happens now, Jack? There’s more, isn’t there?” She squirmed, excited and frustrated, rubbing the toes of her right foot up the length of Jack’s leg until he shuddered and whispered she should stop.
“Please, Katherine, I don’t want to hurt you.” He sounded strangled. “And I can’t help you because I’ve never done this before.”
“So you don’t know if there’s any more to it than this? Any more that married c
ouples do, I mean?”
In the darkness she heard him chuckle. “I know what they do, I’ve just never done it, myself.”
“Then we can learn together.” She felt excited and happy. “You’re not suggesting I should petition someone with more experience than you, I hope?”
“Lord, no!” He laughed more robustly now, suddenly rising above her and caging her body with his. She could feel that strange hardness of his pressing into her belly, and she thought of the stallion she’d seen covering the mare in their Hampshire home and imagined what Jack must look like in the dark. She wanted to feel that hardness communicate itself to her. Instinct told her that she was ready, and the pain would be minimal. The heat and moistness must account for that.
“So, determined Miss Katherine wants to have her way.” Gently, he stroked her hair back from her forehead. Katherine thought she’d burst into flames at his touch. “Last chance, Katherine,” he whispered. “I might disappoint you, I might ruin you. I might hurt you. None of those possibilities makes me feel very confident that this is a good idea.”
“None of those things will happen,” she assured him through gritted teeth, gripping his buttocks and applying pressure that encouraged him to lower himself down upon her.
Into her.
With a soft groan of satisfaction, she relaxed as if to make room for him while he began to move, rhythmically, up and down and as he filled her body, her mind, too, was filled with excitement and satisfaction and pleasure.
She could tell that he was similarly enthralled and she wanted to keep up this wonderful feeling forever. For some time they rocked in wonderful tandem while a strange growing pressure built within Katherine but then Jack gave a sudden cry as he convulsed upon her.
And then was still.
Katherine was confused. Her own body was crying out for more, but Jack had stopped with no warning.
She wriggled beneath him. “Please, keep doing that, Jack.”
There was a moment’s silence. His body was heavy on hers and he sounded strained as he rolled off her. “Katherine…I can’t.”
Her disappointment, however, was short-lived as Jack cradled her against his side and kissed her cheeks and eyes and ears. He stroked her hair and she couldn’t help wriggling some more, not knowing what to do with the need still writhing within her, though it was diminishing and a lovely glow of closeness was taking its place.
In the darkness, his disembodied voice sounded anxious. “I’m told one gets better with practise. That wasn’t what you expected, was it Katherine? I don’t know what I expected, either. But are you all right?” He held her almost fiercely. “Was it what you wanted?”
Katherine sighed with pleasure. “I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but…it was perfect. And next time it’ll be even better.”
“Except that you know there can’t be a next time, Katherine. There won’t be. Ever.” She felt his sudden rigidness from his shoulders to his feet as he said it. “We shouldn’t have done it now.”
Katherine was equally anxious to dispel his fears. “I told you. Aunt Antoinette knows everything about these things. Please don’t concern yourself about me.”
“Of course I’m concerned about you, Katherine. I care about you more than I care about anyone. But…” His voice trailed off into the darkness, and there was a bleakness to his tone when he added, “I was referring to me when I talked about not understanding what we might have started…” He took her hand and laid it upon his chest. “What we’ve done changes everything…here, Katherine. I should have thought about the dangers of that. Being together like this…sharing this closeness…changes everything I feel about you.”
“It shouldn’t.” She tried to sound bolstering when, in fact, she was gaining an inkling about what he meant but seemed unable to articulate. She stared at the ceiling, one part of her revelling in their closeness as he gently stroked her, the other railing over the fact they must soon be parted. “We’ve always been the best of friends, and this isn’t going to change anything.”
She could feel his light breath on her cheek as he leaned on his elbow and gently traced the line of her nose. “It’s changed everything, and I think you know it.” He kissed her lightly then gave her upper arm a squeeze. “And now we’re going to have to part. We have to do it now in case we do something unbelievably stupid and fall asleep in the same bed. And then, on Monday, we’ll have to part forever.”
“Not forever, Jack!” Katherine whispered, close to tears at the thought. “You’ll come back one day.”
“And you’ll be someone else’s wife, and who knows but what will have become of me as I strive to make my way in the world.” He threw back the covers, sat up suddenly and pulled her across his lap, hugging her tightly. “I’m going to have to give you up to someone else, now, because we both know that I am in no position to take a wife where I’m going.”
Suddenly, Katherine was prepared to make that sacrifice. “I could go with you, Jack!”
“Perhaps. If you stowed away. And if you were madder than we both know you are.” He gave a mirthless laugh. “But you are here to find a husband, not to throw your life away on a fancy. Now, put this on, Katherine.” She felt the bundle that was her nightgown pushed into her arms. “You must go to bed and look upon this as some wonderful dream. Sadly, it’s as close as I’m ever going to get to my heart’s desire.”